This article is by one of our Ciggyfree Administrative blogger's who goes by the online handle of ZZYZX. When I look back at being a smoker, and even in my previous quits, I see that my attitude towards smoking was not in touch with reality. I had a positive attitude towards smoking, because I focused on things that were either insignificant, or just not true. The insignificant things that contributed to the attitude were the mechanics of smoking. Just the fact I had smokes around made me feel the world was right. The routine actions of getting a cigarette, and lighting up were familiar and made me feel comfortable. Even having the usual places to keep them just seemed to be so right. At home I kept them by the door, and at work they were on my desk. The whole logistical process of supplying me with cigarettes was part of my reason to be alive. All these things worked subconsciously to make my habit what I thought were an enjoyable one for me. The things that were not true were that I liked to smoke, it relaxed me, and that any concern for health complications was a matter for the future. Now that I have stopped for a while, I do not miss the sore throat, dry skin, cough, nasal congestion, yellow teeth, and shortness of breath, gray skin, and stink of my former habit. I also know now that nicotine is actually a stimulant, and my blood pressure sure is better without it. As far a future health concerns, that is always a matter for now, because later may be too late. The truth of the matter is that all these things that I thought made smoking a pleasant experience just propped up my addiction, supported the endless greed for the nicotine that made me subservient to an intangible master. I was acting like an overgrown lab rat, and actually enjoying it. Until I realized that what I used to enjoy was nothing more than the addiction driving my thoughts and behavior, I always missed smoking when I quit before. I fantasized about smoking, about buying smokes, about handling the package and lighter, and about the false sense of relaxation I had when I smoked. I had smoking dreams, and daydreams. I would go outside with friends that smoke just to smell their smoke. I totally romanticized the whole smoking business. Now, my attitude has changed. I recognize what the addiction was doing to me, and that was to make me a more than willing collaborator in my own degradation, captivity, and death. What changed my attitude is actually listening to my doctor, and my quit buddies, and doing the research on the subject. If I could say why I took so long to get to the point where I really understood my behavior, I could be a pretty rich psychologist. I am just glad I finally did. |
